Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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