Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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