I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
