final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
