I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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