is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
