I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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