Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
