Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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