DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ok first of all what the fuck
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
