No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
