I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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