your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
