woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
