i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
