I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
