Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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