So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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