Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
