A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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