I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
