Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
