i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
