like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
