Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
