I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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