Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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