once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
