she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so much tequila, so little girl.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
