good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MIDGETS
????
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
