my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
