i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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