Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
