these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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