I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
