Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
