i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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