I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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