Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
