I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
