So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
