you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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