shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
