I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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