so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
