Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
