We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
