some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Randomize
