I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
