i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
