Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
