I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
