he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
