At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
